Woman 5.0

I remember every detail about the day I got my first period. I can even smell the slight mold of our suburban, ranch basement bathroom. But what I most remember is my mother.

“Congratulations. You are now a woman.”

My mother has never been prouder of me than this particular day.


I was a woman.

Along with Kotex pads that required a belt—yes, I am that old—I was now applauded for a simple biological act…

My body functioned as it should…

How proud we should be over that! Cue the confetti. Let’s party. Woo-hoo. Yay, biology.

But along this same path, my body functioning normally, what do you say to a woman who no longer gets her period?

I’m waiting…

If when you get your period you become a woman, what do you become when it stops?

Are you no longer a woman?

Technically speaking, the opposite of “woman” is “man.” But if you search hard enough at synonym.com, you get a plethora of interesting opposites: emotional person, immature, unsexy, unattractiveness, ugly.


You stopped getting your period. Your body functioned normally.

You are not worth recognizing. You are no longer attractive nor vital. You are no longer worthy of a name. Boo, biology.

Is this how we should treat ourselves? How we should let others think of us?

Why don’t we think of menopause as a reboot? Our body got an update. We restarted it. And now, we are better than ever. We are Woman 5.0.


Why don’t we think of menopause as a reboot? Our body got an update. We restarted it. And now, we are better than ever. We are Women 5.0.

Just to remind you—let’s look at the history of our software:

  • 1.0: pimples, self-doubt, SATs
  • 2.0: career chutes and ladders
  • 3.0: wedding chapel, divorce court, or singledom
  • 4.0: parent-self-children … who comes first?

Were any of these stages of womanhood all that awesome? Maybe our upper arms didn’t jiggle, but how great were the menstruation years anyway?

What does Woman 5.0 have to offer?

  • confidence
  • innate sexuality
  • resilience
  • attitude

Maybe we should put on a black turtleneck, stand on a stage in Silicon Valley, and shout to the world: All Hail Women 5.0!

LA is a New York-based armchair philosopher, armchair therapist, and armchair quarterback. She excels at asking questions and telling people that they should think outside of the box. Her proudest accomplishment is that she refrained from locking any family members in a closet during the pandemic. Feed her ego and catch her at Waking up on the Wrong Side of 50.

Write for Navigating the Change.

23 Comments on “Woman 5.0

  1. Awesome post.

    The entire journey to ‘become a woman’ (as if we flip a switch on the 13 year old girl who got her period) and then ‘unbecoming a woman’ with peri- and later full menopause is so misunderstood it’s mind-boggling. Good for you, KE Garland and the Navigating the Change women for taking this whole topic and celebrating it. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Pingback: Woman 5.0 – Waking up on the Wrong Side of 50

  3. I’d never thought of this before, but you’re so right: we don’t really acknowledge menopause at all, much less celebrate it. Event though it happens to all women, and it’s perfectly natural, and it signals a new phase of our lives that has every possibility of being a good one. I like the idea of Woman 5.0! I also like the way you so unerringly cut to the chase of almost any difficult topic.

    Liked by 1 person

    • We begin menopause and for some reason we think our lives are over, when really it’s a new chapter….we should throw ourselves meno parties. Why shouldn’t we celebrate all that we are? And thank you!!!💗

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Great blog! Oh yes I certainly do remember my first period. I was 12 and discovered it had happened while I was in gym class!
    I couldn’t wait to run home snd tell my mom. After all, I’d seen the Disney cartoon of Snow White singing snd telling all the creatures of the Forrest that she was now a woman! ( yes, seriously that is what they showed girls in the late 1950’s!) I thought I’d have super powers and would be able to talk to animals. Instead I got cramps! And Worse yet my grandmother was at home when I arrived and she did an old Russian custom of slapping my face to get the evil spirits out of my body when I told her about getting my period.Then she gave me a lecture in a thick Yiddish accent telling me that I was now a woman and needed to stay away from boys. She told me that boys were like the dogs in the street and were no good. I had no idea what she was talking about and assumed she meant the boys would start barking. I was clueless!
    Menopause in my 50s was no easy challenge. But after several years of hot flashes I have to say I’d rather have a hot flash than dealing with my period again. And wisdom abounds the older we get. So put on your menopause tiara and do a little dance. There’s nothing better than being one wise old chick!

    Liked by 4 people

  5. I had a hysterectomy a few years ago which put me in to me instant menopause. I was already in perimenopause and had the hot flashes.
    One thing I noticed for me is that my fitness and strength level really started to decrease. Use it or lose it really applies during menopause. If you aren’t already doing some sort of exercise, menopause is a good time to start.
    The last few periods I had were heavy and long. Best thing about menopause is not having to worry about having enough period supplies and possible wardrobe malfunctions.
    I like the idea of a reboot.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. I also remember those “belts”! 🤣 Awful. Perhaps moms say those things because they now feel more connected with their woman-child when it happens. I dunno. As a woman who “arrived” at menopause a number of years ago, there are a lot of pluses….and some minuses to that process. I chose not to go the. hormone replacement route because the transition wasn’t too bad for me. Except for the added pounds and a few too many wrinkles, Woman 5.0 is something to definitely raise that wine glass and toast.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m like you…it wasn’t awful for me except weight gain/metabolism. But I’m ok with getting older…I’m doing it gracefully…😉


  7. I love Women 5.0! Nice one. I also vividly remember the day I started mine – worth a blog 😂
    I wonder when and what the next upgrade will be and called. [muse]
    All hail Women 5.0!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Pingback: Monday Notes: On Aging (The Gray Area) | K E Garland

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