I haven’t had a period for ninety-nine days. I know this because Iā€™ve set up my iPhone health app to keep track. Once I started having menstrual cycles twice a month, I thought this app would be a good idea. Turns out, I was right.

My last period began November 2, 2020, right before my husbandā€™s fiftieth birthday. We used to “run red lights,” but we both declined a bloody act of intimacy. Thatā€™s not the ā€œremember that timeā€ either of wanted to have for such a monumental occasion. With age, comes wisdom…or maybe priorities shift.

So, I bled profusely as I have the past two years. Iā€™ve grown used to these out-of-the-blue menstrual cycles reminiscent of CSI scenes.

But after the November one ended, there were no more.

I silently rejoiced. No more spending eight to ten dollars on pads. No more dirty looks from my husband every time I threw another box in the shopping cart.

ā€œDidnā€™t you just buy some last week?ā€ he would ask.

I stopped answering. Didnā€™t he realize I was wearing a pad everyday just in case my menstrual cycle began?

Each day, I wiped myself clean and did a little bathroom happy dance because there were no remnants of pink or red.

Nothing.

Perimenopause is the bomb! Do people still say the bomb? Anywho, period-free days turned into weeks, which turned into months! I hadnā€™t had a period in three months, and I was feeling a bit liberated.

I reveled in my perimenopausal life until February 8, 2021.

Tuesday, February 9th, to my dismay, menstruation had returned with an extra-special cycle, one that lasted beyond seven days.

At first, I was a little worried. According to my progesterone cream directions, I was to stop using it during a cycle. I was afraid for what would happen.

But there was nothing to fear.

Those period days were the most blissful Iā€™d experienced in a long time. It seemed my hormones leveled off during that week. I got some of the best sleep Iā€™d ever had since this whole ordeal began. There were no night sweats and no hot flashes. Iā€™d never been so happy to have a period in my life.

Still, I knew when it was still there after day seven, that was odd. I told myself that if I continued to menstruate past day ten, then Iā€™d call the gynecologist. Thatā€™s what Google said to do anyway. Apparently, anything after seven days is cause for concern, and there may be other reasons a woman has whatā€™s called a long period.

But I didnā€™t have to call anyone. On day eleven, it stopped. Just like that. And just like that, I returned to waking up mid-morning, spreading progesterone cream on my body, and taking an extended-release melatonin pill.

Forget what I said above, perimenopause and its unpredictability sucks.

2/20/21 ~kg

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